Mommas we need to talk: heart to heart, nursing bra to nursing bra. Let's let our desperate tears and cheeto fingers intermingle as we get real. I repeatedly hear phrases that I just don't agree with. And if I don't agree with them they must be wrong, because I'm always right. Just ask my husband. So here is a small list of phrases we all need to cut out of our vernacular.
Shit we all need to stop saying:
1. "Can I take a shower?"
Um are we under a water restriction? Did I marry the shower fairy? Last I checked my husband was the co owner of these little hoodlums and therefore shares equal responsibility for them. Did motherhood rob me of an equal right for a clean butt? I missed that memo.
We should instead say "hey watch the fruit of your loins, while I practice my daily right to not smell like my children's defecation."
2. "Oh it was no big deal"
Um actually it was a big deal. It took a lot of time and effort. Or, yeah it was an inconvenience but I dealt. Instead us idiots are baking 62 minion cookies for our 6th cousin's birthday and hosting 3 exchange students. Do you happen to speak french?! Me either, but I think that kid either asked for a bagel or has some phlegm in their throat. Luckily we have another six months to work on the language barrier.
Instead we should acknowledge the bad asses that we actually are: " yeah it was a big deal but I'm an amazing multi tasker who poops glitter and sweats sparkles. I'm glad I was able to gift you with my awesomeness"
3. "Sorry about the mess"
No. Just no. First off, the mess is an indication that actual people live here. Why do we feel the need to justify the biproducts that inherently come from living? These biproducts sometimes include dirty underwear on the ceiling fan. It happens. If you're doing parenting right more than likely there is play dough embedded into your ear drums and walking across the carpet is similar to walking barefoot across fire. Have you ever stepped on Legos before? I have a friend who lost two toes to the transformers Lego set. Not the transformation she expected. Second, if I'm apologizing for my mess that usually means I did not have a heads up to your arrival. Had I had a heads up I would've been stuffing toys and children under the couch cushions while eating all the crackers off the carpet. I'm a conservationist. Just because I'm at home knee deep in rug rats does not mean you can just come over willy nilly to observe my naked, peanut butter covered children.
Instead we should say: " I'm not even slightly sorry about the mess but if you'd like to clean it the vaccum is in the hall closet. I'll be in the kitchen with a beer."
3. "Sorry I am such a mess."
First, why are we even acknowledging our disheveled appearance. They have eyes, no need for a discussion. Second, ladies we brought life into this world. Now we are in charge of making sure that life doesn't kill itself or its siblings by eating glue or jumping off the bunk bed. I don't know about you, but trying to make sure my kids don't meet an untimely end is a full time job. This full time job doesn't involve hair curlers or mascara.
Instead we should say " sorry if my appearance makes you uncomfortable. My boob sweat is currently making me uncomfortable as well, but I had to sprint to stop my toddler from eating a snail, so we both are going to have to learn to deal."
4. "I'm really sorry to ask but..."
Why and when did asking for help become such a crime. Where the hell did our village go? I tried to do it all once. I caught my house on fire. True story. If Who Wants to be a Millionaire has the phone a friend option, why shouldn't I?
Instead we should say: "I've caught the kitchen on fire. My children are wearing their pants as hats, and I have string cheese in my hair. Can I come over?!"
And there shouldn't be shame to that. The response should be, "as long as you bring wine."
5. "Yes."
I know I'm not alone here in this, I swear the second your child is born the yes monster is born as well. You find yourself agreeing to groom the neighbors dog (you don't own scissors) and bake a cake for your best friend's aunt' 4th wedding (your cake baking abilities do not extend beyond purchasing the pre made kind the day of at Wal mart.) Motherhood is inherently selfless and we all tend to extend that natural tendency to other areas of our lives.
Instead, what you should say mommas, what is OK to say is: "No."
Just this. No explanation, no justification. Give yourself the grace to accept your sacrifices are many and, sometimes it's ok to give to yourself the gift of being a priority.
Take these words of wisdom from a
mother who has been making this crap up for a solid three years. Clearly, I'm the expert.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
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