You Aren't Getting Your Body Back

I see the meme on Facebook a lot showing a woman's post baby belly with the caption talking about a tiger earning it's stripes. The response is always overwhelming. All of a sudden all of us ladies are serious cat lovers. 

Meow. 

But in all seriousness it is an image and quote that clearly hits a nerve with us mommas. Because pregnancy puts your body through the ringer. Motherhood puts your body through the ringer. From the second you see those 2 positive lines you are beautifully secondary. You've given your body to someone else. And you'll never get it back. 

Yes I said it. Moms you aren't getting your body back. Ever.

I don't mean that in the sense that you won't loose the weight, or return to your "normal" because you very well will be rocking your old jeans in no time. I am saying this because your body will never be fully your own again. It will be a resting place for sleepy heads, a jungle gym, a launching point for inhuman gymnastic moves, a safe place in sickness, a wonderful corner for story time. Even when they're grown and gone you still won't fully "get your body back". For you see, you lost a bit of your heart. You can't get that back. 

I'm nursing my third baby as I write this.  His little hand is flexing into me, as his eyes flutter asleep. That sweet hand is flexing into impossible stretched skin. Skin that has housed 3 perfectly imperfect humans. His hand grazes my stretch marks, and belly button that has deflated like a sad old ballon.  I am still rocking the lovely line some of us woman get in pregnancy that divides our stomachs in half. Except like everything I do, mine is totally crooked. I can't keep anything straight.

And you know what, that's ok. Because like that line, my path has not been linear.  And as I look at this little human snuggled into what most people consider clear imperfections. I don't feel imperfect. 

I feel beautiful.

We need to have a serious conversation mommas. About the cost of motherhood: because you'll pay a price. You'll pay in sleepless nights, grey hairs, stretch marks, sagging skin. I come to you a different woman than I was. My hips have widened, my stomach bears the marks of my children, I have a worry line between my eye brow, and bags under eyes. I've gained weight. By societies standards I've paid a price.

I'm so glad I bought in. I have 6 hands that reach for me every single morning, 6 feet that I have the privilege of listening to patter down the hall in their next adventures, three heads that snuggle into this imperfect body at the end of the day, 30 toes I get to squeeze during bath time, 3 children who think I hung the moon. I paid a price. A price in my body, a price in my sanity, a price in my self identity. 

And it was the best deal I ever got.
And this girl loves a good coupon.

So you see mommas, you aren't getting your body back. 

I can't speak for you all, but I can say I don't want it. I want the body that created life. I want the body that knows the perfect figure 8 rythm to get a fussy baby to sleep. I want the body that knows the exact way to toss her toddler in the air that results in immediate squeals. I want the body that attends impromptu dance parties, the body that is an expert in hide and seek. I want the body that knows sleepless nights, that knows the weight of responsibility that comes with parenthood, that knows the equally overwhelming weight of love that comes with being a mother.  I'm not getting my body back. And I don't want it.

Best purchase ever.

Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡