Momma said there'd be days like these.
Momma said there'd be days like these. Long days, hard days, days full of tears, and doubt, tantrums, and never ending trouble. Days where frustration and exhaustion rule. Days where you just try to survive. Days where you question your own ability to really "do this", where you're sure you've screwed it up. Permanently.
Momma said there'd be days like these. Sweet days, slow days. Days full of snuggles, laughter, kisses, and tickle fights. Days where there's nothing sweeter than the smell of that happy baby in the nape of your neck. Days where you get to watch the magic of childhood unfold. Days that end with dirty, happy, children. Whose streaked faces tell the story of their adventures. We won't always be pirates searching for treasure, explorers conquering mountains, princesses attending balls. There won't always be days like this.
Motherhood has brought me some of the best moments. It has also brought me to my knees.
On my knees praying for patience, praying for guidance, praying for a break. Just praying.
On my knees with sick babies waiting for the next round of illness to rock their sweet little body, while it rocked my heart just as much. On my knees riding out the waves of fierce and startling adult like anger that comes with a frustrated child. On my knees eye level with that angry and frustrated baby willing for the grace to use this moment to teach and not harm. On my knees with budgets, bills, stress and worry.
On my knees rocking.
On my knees holding.
On my knees laughing.
On my knees pretending and exploring.
On my knees running my hand through that sweet head of hair while they tell me about their day.
On my knees reading stories in silly voices, while little babies shriek.
On my knees thanking God that I get to be their mother, thanking God that they're healthy. Thanking God my biggest problems are someone else's blessings.
Motherhood has certainly brought me to my knees.
For you see, Momma did said there would be days like this. Hard, happy days. Days where the tears are intermingled with giggles.
And I'm on my knees right now living these messy, imperfect days.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Life Lessons:Toddler Style
My children are my greatest blessings. They've taught me so many things. They've taught me what unconditional love is. They've taught me what it's like to go shopping with your pants on backwards. They've taught me that it is ok to say the words "we do not put puffy paint in our sister's underwear".
So, so many lessons, that I've decided to try to sum up some of my greatest lessons learned from my kids. These are deep y'all. Our kids are, after all, the future. So here it goes!
Lessons I've learned from my children:
1. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
I personally would love a new wardrobe, piece of jewelry, or a dust buster. Please sweet baby Jesus someone get me a dust buster. Have y'all met my children?! There are french fries from 1992 under my bed. Scouts honor. It's a vintage piece.
Audrey on the other hand is saying a Hail Mary and getting herself right with the Lord everytime she finds some more of that delicious petrified cereal from the floor board of the minivan. Nothing says treasure better than decomposing snacks.
To each their own.
2. Actions speak louder than words.
Sure, we toss around the word love, but nothing says love more than selflessly removing your pull up during nap time. Clearly my child is trying to lessen my load. Once less diaper to change. Also, since she relieved herself in her bedding that is also once less child to coerce in a failed attempt to potty train. So thank you dear sweet child for that. I love you too.
3. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Sure that one time you took off your pants, shoved them up the gutter, and tried to ride the dog while your butt cheeks and princess tiara were gloriously aglow was kind of funny
But the second time was not.
Also, I get that you need to be prepared for anything, but you hoodlums are consuming 18 full meals a day and 32 snacks. So why do I keep finding crackers in your underwear? I'm on to yall. And word of advice: best place to stash food is the laundry room. I for one have no experience in this, but I would assume cracker related chaffing is not pleasant.
4. There is no use crying over spilled milk.
These are wise words. Why cry when you can drink directly from the floor.
5. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Um no. Don't. That's a waste of a basket. Baskets serve far greater purposes. Where else would one unravel an entire roll of toilet paper or empty out the box of tampons? Where else would one sit while contemplating the depths of depravity that is the hypocrisy of sharing? What else could one use as a protective head device while trying to sit on an unruly sibling?!
Don't you dare put all your eggs in one basket: or any of your eggs for that matter. Eggs are for baking cakes for your children whenever they demand- which is right now. Please go feed your starving children. You removed the snacks from their pants and they are desperate.
6. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Because the neighbors don't have kids. And their lawn is on point.
My lawn, however is fertilized by toddlers defecating for fun. So yeah....it's actually greener.
7. Ignorance is bliss.
Because once upon a time I was ignorant and hopeful enough to assume your sounds of silence meant you were enjoying each others company. Now I know the bitter truth. Silence means you're giving your sister a swirly and have painted yourself blue with the nail polish in order to better reconnect with your ancestors. I cannot take your life but i can take your freedom....because you're grounded for the next 17 years. At the age of 2. You may not cry over the spilled milk but I foresee some crying now.
8. You are what you eat.
Because that one time you ate nothing but raisins for three days you turned a little purple and seemed slightly dehydrated. Luckily, after you had explosive diahrea for 4 days that caused your father and I to seek therapy before we even attempted to seek medical attention for you, you returned to normal.
However, we are still finding stray raisins from "the incident" so perhaps we shouldn't repeat that little food experience.
This list will continue expanding. But spread this prolific knowledge while you can!
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
So, so many lessons, that I've decided to try to sum up some of my greatest lessons learned from my kids. These are deep y'all. Our kids are, after all, the future. So here it goes!
Lessons I've learned from my children:
1. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
I personally would love a new wardrobe, piece of jewelry, or a dust buster. Please sweet baby Jesus someone get me a dust buster. Have y'all met my children?! There are french fries from 1992 under my bed. Scouts honor. It's a vintage piece.
Audrey on the other hand is saying a Hail Mary and getting herself right with the Lord everytime she finds some more of that delicious petrified cereal from the floor board of the minivan. Nothing says treasure better than decomposing snacks.
To each their own.
2. Actions speak louder than words.
Sure, we toss around the word love, but nothing says love more than selflessly removing your pull up during nap time. Clearly my child is trying to lessen my load. Once less diaper to change. Also, since she relieved herself in her bedding that is also once less child to coerce in a failed attempt to potty train. So thank you dear sweet child for that. I love you too.
3. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Sure that one time you took off your pants, shoved them up the gutter, and tried to ride the dog while your butt cheeks and princess tiara were gloriously aglow was kind of funny
But the second time was not.
Also, I get that you need to be prepared for anything, but you hoodlums are consuming 18 full meals a day and 32 snacks. So why do I keep finding crackers in your underwear? I'm on to yall. And word of advice: best place to stash food is the laundry room. I for one have no experience in this, but I would assume cracker related chaffing is not pleasant.
4. There is no use crying over spilled milk.
These are wise words. Why cry when you can drink directly from the floor.
5. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Um no. Don't. That's a waste of a basket. Baskets serve far greater purposes. Where else would one unravel an entire roll of toilet paper or empty out the box of tampons? Where else would one sit while contemplating the depths of depravity that is the hypocrisy of sharing? What else could one use as a protective head device while trying to sit on an unruly sibling?!
Don't you dare put all your eggs in one basket: or any of your eggs for that matter. Eggs are for baking cakes for your children whenever they demand- which is right now. Please go feed your starving children. You removed the snacks from their pants and they are desperate.
6. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Because the neighbors don't have kids. And their lawn is on point.
My lawn, however is fertilized by toddlers defecating for fun. So yeah....it's actually greener.
7. Ignorance is bliss.
Because once upon a time I was ignorant and hopeful enough to assume your sounds of silence meant you were enjoying each others company. Now I know the bitter truth. Silence means you're giving your sister a swirly and have painted yourself blue with the nail polish in order to better reconnect with your ancestors. I cannot take your life but i can take your freedom....because you're grounded for the next 17 years. At the age of 2. You may not cry over the spilled milk but I foresee some crying now.
8. You are what you eat.
Because that one time you ate nothing but raisins for three days you turned a little purple and seemed slightly dehydrated. Luckily, after you had explosive diahrea for 4 days that caused your father and I to seek therapy before we even attempted to seek medical attention for you, you returned to normal.
However, we are still finding stray raisins from "the incident" so perhaps we shouldn't repeat that little food experience.
This list will continue expanding. But spread this prolific knowledge while you can!
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
Monday, September 21, 2015
Pinterest Problems
Lately I've been perusing Pinterest. By perusing I mean searching recipes and crafts I'll never attempt while my chocolate covered kids wrestle each other in the yard with Reba MacEntire playing in the background. (Good Lord I do love Reba!)
Here's your one chance Fancy, don't let me down: I'm going to need you to construct an end table out of doileys, string cheese, and misguided faith. If you don't complete it, this momma's gonna move uptown.
Or buy it on etsy.
I've noticed they have a lot of 21 day challenges. Many of them are geared towards moms. In just 21 days you can systematically clean your pantry or laundry room, replace all your window screens, and successfully complete your own organ transplant using only pipe cleaners! You can also loose 25lbs and teach your kids french. Bonjour!
True story. It's on pinterest. And everything on Pinterest is totally legit...just ask my husband about dinner last week. He will agree.
I've decided to make my own challenge. I lasted 2 days in the clean eating challenge(mamma NEEDED her doritos), I couldn't decipher the language in the fitness challenge(you mean bend and snap isn't a fitness routine?!) And I didn't even attempt the cleaning challenge. One look at my laundry room had me calling uncle and grabbing the wine.
Therefore, I created this 5 day challenge for all my other momma's in the struggle.
Deep breaths ladies. We can do this.
Day 1: Put your pants on. Do they zip? Damn that's amazing! You go girl. Don't worry if they dont. As mothers it's important to be prepared. Those of us in yoga pants will be the first to outrun the mom in the stilletos and pencil skirt in the event of a freak bear attack. Survival of the fittest y'all. Praise Jesus that I am wearing these 3 day old stretch pants because bear attacks are a legitimate threat out here in western Kansas. Bonus points if they aren't backwards!
Day 2: Locate your children. Hide. Immediately. Preferably hide in a location that has running water, cable TV, and snacks. They found you? Unfortunate. Truly unfortunate. Revert to plan B: Callioux and lucky charms. Facebook your kids "eating" oatmeal and creating yarn art first. After you've cleaned oatmeal out of the air conditioning unit (raising over achievers here) and untied the dogs from the toilet bowl (who knew yarn had had that tensile strength?!) Proceed with your day.
Day 3: Make a long list of every thing you hope to accomplish in your life. Bonus points if it's written in crayon or on Toy Story stationary. Sky is the limit here ladies! Don't hold back: you want to make a 3 foot cake that looks exactly like Bill Clinton - write it down! Is your goal to promote world peace? Write it down! Have you always wanted to go Vegan? Put that on the list!!! Have you been eyeing those pants you've had in your closet since 2002? Sure you haven't worn them since you attended Britney Spear's concert in your Sketchers, but now is not a time to doubt. It is a time to dream! Once your list is complete, read through it. Visualize yourself accomplishing these goals (I read that on a pinterest. Once again it makes it legit.) As you visualize please ignore all outside distractions. Is a child pooping behind the curtains? Is another one creating wall art with your last tube of lipstick? If so I do not care! Focus, people focus. Visualize Bill Clinton in his frosted glory.
Ok, now that that is done please cross off all things written on your list. Lets be real: that was fun, but your kid eats rocks. Its time to get realistic.Edit it to say your one goal is to wear pants while checking the mail. This year.
Mission accomplished! Another day of success!
Day 4: Ok now I know this is going to sound pretty ambitious but what are goals for?! Todays challenge is to take a shower. I realize it's been several days since you've attempted this, but girl today is your day!!!! Chuck those barbie dolls, bath crayons, and the Elmo loofah out. Dust off your razor. Find a bar of soap that isn't in the shape of a jungle animal and go to town! Please ignore the shrieks and cries of your children. It's just their spirits you are crushing by not inviting them to participate.
Day 5: You know who doesn't get enough appreciation? Your husband! Todays goal is a simple one. Have a home cooked meal ready for him when he arrives home this evening.
Mommas, home cooked doesn't have to mean it was cooked by you!
Step 1: call Pizza Hut
Step 2: Anxiously await the delivery.
Step 3: Set the table. Opt for paper plates because let's be real, you won't wash those dishes.
Step 4: When the pizza arrives put it on a pan and throw away the box.
Step 5: Place your pizza making ingredients in strategic locations so as to make it appear that you actually cooked said meal.
Step 6: Greet husband in your best yoga pants and bask in the glory of your meal.
If you're one of those ladies (like myself) who cook everything in a crock pot go ahead and chop up the pizza and stick it in there. It's important when lying about your home cooked meal that you stay consistent so as to not alert your husband.
Alright ladies. Take a deep breath. We did it. Made it all five days. You should be cleaned, refreshed, and on your way to gaining 5lbs of pizza weight. Glad I could take this journey with y'all.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
Here's your one chance Fancy, don't let me down: I'm going to need you to construct an end table out of doileys, string cheese, and misguided faith. If you don't complete it, this momma's gonna move uptown.
Or buy it on etsy.
I've noticed they have a lot of 21 day challenges. Many of them are geared towards moms. In just 21 days you can systematically clean your pantry or laundry room, replace all your window screens, and successfully complete your own organ transplant using only pipe cleaners! You can also loose 25lbs and teach your kids french. Bonjour!
True story. It's on pinterest. And everything on Pinterest is totally legit...just ask my husband about dinner last week. He will agree.
I've decided to make my own challenge. I lasted 2 days in the clean eating challenge(mamma NEEDED her doritos), I couldn't decipher the language in the fitness challenge(you mean bend and snap isn't a fitness routine?!) And I didn't even attempt the cleaning challenge. One look at my laundry room had me calling uncle and grabbing the wine.
Therefore, I created this 5 day challenge for all my other momma's in the struggle.
Deep breaths ladies. We can do this.
Day 1: Put your pants on. Do they zip? Damn that's amazing! You go girl. Don't worry if they dont. As mothers it's important to be prepared. Those of us in yoga pants will be the first to outrun the mom in the stilletos and pencil skirt in the event of a freak bear attack. Survival of the fittest y'all. Praise Jesus that I am wearing these 3 day old stretch pants because bear attacks are a legitimate threat out here in western Kansas. Bonus points if they aren't backwards!
Day 2: Locate your children. Hide. Immediately. Preferably hide in a location that has running water, cable TV, and snacks. They found you? Unfortunate. Truly unfortunate. Revert to plan B: Callioux and lucky charms. Facebook your kids "eating" oatmeal and creating yarn art first. After you've cleaned oatmeal out of the air conditioning unit (raising over achievers here) and untied the dogs from the toilet bowl (who knew yarn had had that tensile strength?!) Proceed with your day.
Day 3: Make a long list of every thing you hope to accomplish in your life. Bonus points if it's written in crayon or on Toy Story stationary. Sky is the limit here ladies! Don't hold back: you want to make a 3 foot cake that looks exactly like Bill Clinton - write it down! Is your goal to promote world peace? Write it down! Have you always wanted to go Vegan? Put that on the list!!! Have you been eyeing those pants you've had in your closet since 2002? Sure you haven't worn them since you attended Britney Spear's concert in your Sketchers, but now is not a time to doubt. It is a time to dream! Once your list is complete, read through it. Visualize yourself accomplishing these goals (I read that on a pinterest. Once again it makes it legit.) As you visualize please ignore all outside distractions. Is a child pooping behind the curtains? Is another one creating wall art with your last tube of lipstick? If so I do not care! Focus, people focus. Visualize Bill Clinton in his frosted glory.
Ok, now that that is done please cross off all things written on your list. Lets be real: that was fun, but your kid eats rocks. Its time to get realistic.Edit it to say your one goal is to wear pants while checking the mail. This year.
Mission accomplished! Another day of success!
Day 4: Ok now I know this is going to sound pretty ambitious but what are goals for?! Todays challenge is to take a shower. I realize it's been several days since you've attempted this, but girl today is your day!!!! Chuck those barbie dolls, bath crayons, and the Elmo loofah out. Dust off your razor. Find a bar of soap that isn't in the shape of a jungle animal and go to town! Please ignore the shrieks and cries of your children. It's just their spirits you are crushing by not inviting them to participate.
Day 5: You know who doesn't get enough appreciation? Your husband! Todays goal is a simple one. Have a home cooked meal ready for him when he arrives home this evening.
Mommas, home cooked doesn't have to mean it was cooked by you!
Step 1: call Pizza Hut
Step 2: Anxiously await the delivery.
Step 3: Set the table. Opt for paper plates because let's be real, you won't wash those dishes.
Step 4: When the pizza arrives put it on a pan and throw away the box.
Step 5: Place your pizza making ingredients in strategic locations so as to make it appear that you actually cooked said meal.
Step 6: Greet husband in your best yoga pants and bask in the glory of your meal.
If you're one of those ladies (like myself) who cook everything in a crock pot go ahead and chop up the pizza and stick it in there. It's important when lying about your home cooked meal that you stay consistent so as to not alert your husband.
Alright ladies. Take a deep breath. We did it. Made it all five days. You should be cleaned, refreshed, and on your way to gaining 5lbs of pizza weight. Glad I could take this journey with y'all.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Riding the Waves
Sullivan was having a hard time tonight which therefore meant I was as well. I know the phrase "if momma ain't happy, nobody is happy" is popular but in reality it should be "If baby ain't happy everyone else is envisioning packing up 12 pair of underwear, 4 pair of sweatpants, the spice girls greatest hits, and heading for the hills". Please picture the large white minivan peeling out leaving burnt rubber and goldfish crackers in it's wake.
I know these moments are fleeting.
This struggle - as intense as it feels in the moment- is really just that. Only a moment: only a drop in an ocean. We ride the waves together, sometimes crashing to the surface, other times rocking gentle against the shore.
Like the waves persistent crashes I find myself rocking and often listening to the rythmic creak of the chair. I know one day I will no longer have the rythm of this chair to guide me. One day it will instead be the patter of my feet running to check on a child who needs a hug, or story, or gentle reminder that everything will be ok. This will eventually give way to a new pattern of the sound of my feet pacing as I wait for a teenager to come home, worried for my child who isnt quite a child anymore: waiting for my heart to stop aching at this change. This pattern will give way to another- of silence. Knowing that my children now create their own oceans and waves as I sit on the shore praying I taught them enough to trust their inner compass.
Right now my chair rocks, my baby sleeps, and a bit of perspective slips into the chaos and stress of my day.
This too shall pass. It will make way for other struggles and other moments-big ones, small ones, moments lost, and moments found.
Tonight I held Sullivan, his little face wet with tears. He was so tired. I was equally as tired and dreaming of Vegas, baby sitters, pants that zipped, and meals I didn't have to eat in under 2 seconds.
I put him on my chest and rocked.
And rocked.
And rocked.
And I listened to his breathing that was rapid and distressed slowly align with my own. Slowly the hiccups stopped. Slowly the tears abaited.
Until we were breathing together, chest to chest and cheek to cheek. Our salty tears intermingled.
And we rocked.
And rocked.
And rocked.
I put my phone down, turned the TV off, and just breathed him in. I memorized his sweet chubby cheeks and perfect little eyelashes. I prayed for grace to remember this moment when it got hard again later.
Aka in 2 hours when he wakes up, or one of his sisters has an accident, or sees something suspicious in their bedrooms such as, but not limited to: a blanket folded strangely. You guys, that's not actually a blanket. It's Godzilla. Stay safe.
As hard as these times can be, they're also so fleeting and precious. I will not always be the center of my children's world. I pray I will at least be their anchor.
I know they themselves will forever by my anchor and compass. They are my lighthouse and beacon.
This too shall pass mommas, so as hard as it is, just breathe it in. Breathe in their sweet smells, their hiccups, and even their cries. You won't always be breathing chest to chest. Your hearts won't always be perfectly aligned to each other in the physical, but if we do this right we may get to occupy a little pocket of theirs forever.
Love and light from another momma in the trenches♡
I know these moments are fleeting.
This struggle - as intense as it feels in the moment- is really just that. Only a moment: only a drop in an ocean. We ride the waves together, sometimes crashing to the surface, other times rocking gentle against the shore.
Like the waves persistent crashes I find myself rocking and often listening to the rythmic creak of the chair. I know one day I will no longer have the rythm of this chair to guide me. One day it will instead be the patter of my feet running to check on a child who needs a hug, or story, or gentle reminder that everything will be ok. This will eventually give way to a new pattern of the sound of my feet pacing as I wait for a teenager to come home, worried for my child who isnt quite a child anymore: waiting for my heart to stop aching at this change. This pattern will give way to another- of silence. Knowing that my children now create their own oceans and waves as I sit on the shore praying I taught them enough to trust their inner compass.
Right now my chair rocks, my baby sleeps, and a bit of perspective slips into the chaos and stress of my day.
This too shall pass. It will make way for other struggles and other moments-big ones, small ones, moments lost, and moments found.
Tonight I held Sullivan, his little face wet with tears. He was so tired. I was equally as tired and dreaming of Vegas, baby sitters, pants that zipped, and meals I didn't have to eat in under 2 seconds.
I put him on my chest and rocked.
And rocked.
And rocked.
And I listened to his breathing that was rapid and distressed slowly align with my own. Slowly the hiccups stopped. Slowly the tears abaited.
Until we were breathing together, chest to chest and cheek to cheek. Our salty tears intermingled.
And we rocked.
And rocked.
And rocked.
I put my phone down, turned the TV off, and just breathed him in. I memorized his sweet chubby cheeks and perfect little eyelashes. I prayed for grace to remember this moment when it got hard again later.
Aka in 2 hours when he wakes up, or one of his sisters has an accident, or sees something suspicious in their bedrooms such as, but not limited to: a blanket folded strangely. You guys, that's not actually a blanket. It's Godzilla. Stay safe.
As hard as these times can be, they're also so fleeting and precious. I will not always be the center of my children's world. I pray I will at least be their anchor.
I know they themselves will forever by my anchor and compass. They are my lighthouse and beacon.
This too shall pass mommas, so as hard as it is, just breathe it in. Breathe in their sweet smells, their hiccups, and even their cries. You won't always be breathing chest to chest. Your hearts won't always be perfectly aligned to each other in the physical, but if we do this right we may get to occupy a little pocket of theirs forever.
Love and light from another momma in the trenches♡
Friday, September 18, 2015
Soul Sisters
It occurred to me today I haven't had a real conversation with a person who doesn't need help getting their underwear on or pants buttoned in a long while. Therefore, I decided I clearly need to aquire a mom soul sister. Someone who really gets me in the depths of my inner, unshowered, being.
If you meet any of these requirements please call me, beep me, if you want to reach me.
You may be my mom soul sister if:
Your internal mantra repeats back and forth between "it's five o clock somewhere" and a countdown to naptime that rivals the ball drop in New York City on New Years Eve. Please picture me throwing confetti about the house in my sweat pants every day around 1 o clock while repeating in my best Oprah Winfrey impression: " you get a dorito, you get a dorito, everybody gets a dorito!!!!!!!!"
You change into your nicest yoga pants when leaving the house but immediately take them off when you get home. You don't want to waste those gems on just anyone. You can repeat this process of wearing said pants for public outings at minimum 3 times before they require a wash. Just an fyi.
Meals consist of whatever leftovers you can steal off your kid's Dora the Explorer plate. You've been known to dive bomb the floor in order to get the last tator tot before the dog does. Move over Spike that's momma's nugget. Thank God you bought all those work out clothes, without which that food extraction maneuver wouldn't be possible!
You know every nursery rhyme, children's song, the words to basically every children book in your house, and all the Disney Princess names and life stories by memory. However, you are not sure what year it is, where you last put your cell phone, and there's a solid chance your pants are on backwards-or that you quite possibly aren't wearing pants.
If you have any form of food stashed anywhere in your house. Apparently other professionals don't closet eat expired croutons in the laundry room.
if you've ever had a conversation with your husband or significant other similar to this:
Me: I need to shower
Husband: why? You showered yesterday.
Me:(blink, blink) Yeah, some people still do that on the daily huh?
If anyone has ever told you you had your hands full and instead of responding with "yes, but you should see my heart" you agree and pass them a kid.
Your child is on his or her 4th outfit and it's ten am. By outfit I mean they are wearing a swimsuit, rainboots, and a tiara. You're wearing underwear from 2002 you found under the bed.
You think a ratchet is a tool, a bae is a sound a sheep makes, and the only twittering you do involves singing old Mcdonald with your 3 year old.
Your Pinterest board is full of amazing recipes. Your pantry has a box of stale crackers, fruits snacks, and a can of corn.
If you've ever tried to take a picture of your kids only to have the camera reversed so you instead view your face. That event was so traumatizing you have to turn your phone off for at least 2 hours and put it in a bag of rice. The rice was for all the tears shed from the trauma of the experience.
If you meet any of these requirements clearly we need to be in touch.
So call me maybe?
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Help Wanted!!!!
Unfortunately I find myself in the position of desperately needing about 3 seconds without a child attached to my body screaming for more gold fish crackers, while throwing a sippy cup at my head.
This is not an easy task to be completed. So, I came up with the brilliant idea to place a help wanted ad for those inconvenient times I want to meet basic human needs such as(but not limited to) eating, peeing, or sleeping.
Help Wanted:
Murphy Family Corporation, located in Liberal Kansas, is currently seeking a full-time, entry-level specialist to assume the day shift, night shift, swing shift, and any other shifts, on a temporary contract basis. Salary is nonexistent. Benefits include minimal alone time, a lack of privacy, and full loss of sanity.
Applications must be submitted by September 12, as this position is expected to start immediately and run for a total of the rest of your life.
We are seeking a candidate who is fluent in toddler gibberish and also can translate preschool age meltdowns. Knowledge in martial arts, as well as crisis and hostage negotiation skills are also a must. Basic plumbing skills are also a requirement. The skill set of speedily preparing 5 different meal options that will all be thrown on the floor is also necessary.
Canidates should have absolutely no training or experience before beginning this job, but are required to be full experts after 6 to 12 weeks of winging it. Calling home to your mother in tears is not required, but is encouraged.
A daily uniform of dirty yoga pants, oversized t shirts reaking of body fluids, dirty hair, and tennis shoes is required at minimum. A frazzled, make up free face that can often be found eating snacks in the closet while catching up on facebook is NOT required, but highly encouraged.
A bonus will be given if the yoga pants are over over 8 years old.
At this time we do not provide health insurance, competitive pay, a 401K, paid or non-paid time off, sick days, medical leave, bathroom breaks, or any other form of "breaks or leave." (**this leave policy does not include the event of sudden death**)
A retirement plan of living in your grown children's basement is provided, given that you complete your 6 to 12 weeks of on site training with no less than 25 emotional breakdowns.
If you are interested in becoming part of our team please apply in person between the hours of 9am and 7pm, not including the hours of nap time. These hours are subject to change and will not be disclosed. If you do apply in person during the mystery nap hours please be prepared to take at minimum 1 or 2 children home with you permanently, as well as pay a 200 dollar fine in the form of Godiva chocolates.
Looking forward to hearing from many eager applicants in the future!
This is not an easy task to be completed. So, I came up with the brilliant idea to place a help wanted ad for those inconvenient times I want to meet basic human needs such as(but not limited to) eating, peeing, or sleeping.
Help Wanted:
Murphy Family Corporation, located in Liberal Kansas, is currently seeking a full-time, entry-level specialist to assume the day shift, night shift, swing shift, and any other shifts, on a temporary contract basis. Salary is nonexistent. Benefits include minimal alone time, a lack of privacy, and full loss of sanity.
Applications must be submitted by September 12, as this position is expected to start immediately and run for a total of the rest of your life.
We are seeking a candidate who is fluent in toddler gibberish and also can translate preschool age meltdowns. Knowledge in martial arts, as well as crisis and hostage negotiation skills are also a must. Basic plumbing skills are also a requirement. The skill set of speedily preparing 5 different meal options that will all be thrown on the floor is also necessary.
Canidates should have absolutely no training or experience before beginning this job, but are required to be full experts after 6 to 12 weeks of winging it. Calling home to your mother in tears is not required, but is encouraged.
A daily uniform of dirty yoga pants, oversized t shirts reaking of body fluids, dirty hair, and tennis shoes is required at minimum. A frazzled, make up free face that can often be found eating snacks in the closet while catching up on facebook is NOT required, but highly encouraged.
A bonus will be given if the yoga pants are over over 8 years old.
At this time we do not provide health insurance, competitive pay, a 401K, paid or non-paid time off, sick days, medical leave, bathroom breaks, or any other form of "breaks or leave." (**this leave policy does not include the event of sudden death**)
A retirement plan of living in your grown children's basement is provided, given that you complete your 6 to 12 weeks of on site training with no less than 25 emotional breakdowns.
If you are interested in becoming part of our team please apply in person between the hours of 9am and 7pm, not including the hours of nap time. These hours are subject to change and will not be disclosed. If you do apply in person during the mystery nap hours please be prepared to take at minimum 1 or 2 children home with you permanently, as well as pay a 200 dollar fine in the form of Godiva chocolates.
Looking forward to hearing from many eager applicants in the future!
Sunday, September 6, 2015
channeling Christina: You are beautiful ♡
Post partum - not really my favorite thing. I have been struggling with the changes I see in my body. The hips that are wider, the rib cage that separated massively to encompass a 23.5 inch baby, the loose skin, stretch marks, bags under my eyes, and a chest I don't know what to do with. I dream of pants that zip, and bras that fit. I know I'm not alone in this and that it isn't exclusive to immediate post partum women. Motherhood changes everything:from the capacity of our hearts to the capacity of our hips. So, today I am going to attempt to put it into perspective for myself and for you too my friends, just in case I'm not alone. I say alone "figuratively" since I have 2 kids trying to put cheese puffs in my belly button right now.
My hips are wider. They are wider from carrying three perfectly healthy humans to full term in 4 years. They are wider from birthing those babies, from the act of bringing life into the world. If that isn't sacred I don't know what is. My hips are wider and I earned those hips. Those hips know the perfect rythm to sway a child to sleep. Those hips have carried, tossed, rocked, and chased my children. They've carried the weight of my body and three others.
And they are beautiful.
My rib cage has seperated. It seperated to make room for my growing children. I think it had to make room for my heart as well. With each child a bit of my heart walks the earth. These shoulders carry the weight of the world, while also the weight of a sweet sleeping head. Yes, my rib cage is larger now. But it is beautiful.
My skin bears the marks of motherhood. It has stretched in ways that didn't seem possible. Organs have shifted, ligaments torn, rib cage bruised. I have the marks of my children's existence etched permanently on my body. One day they will be grown and I will still carry those marks as a bittersweet reminder of these sacred years. I will never regret that. My skin may not be beautiful by a normal standard but to my children there is no safer place than in my arms, snuggled into this body that has seen such changes.
These are my badges of motherhood and they are beautiful.
I looked into the mirror this morning and didnt recognize the tired face looking back: bags under my eyes, dirty hair, the beginnings of a permanent crease between my eyebrows. The bags are caused from sleepless nights of rocking, holding, and walking my children. From sleepless nights of worry, from over analyzing every decision, and late night prayers that I am doing this right. They are formed from sleepless nights with sick babies, from sleepless nights with scared toddlers, from sleepless nights of laundry, bill paying, and trying to catch up on a life that seems ten steps ahead. The line between my eyebrows has formed from a look of constant confusion from my kid's crazy behavior(but seriously, I'm still confused). It has formed from belly laughs, heart ache, and lessons learned the hard way from my sweet babies. Every bag, every wrinkle, every grey hair, and visible sign of imperfection is beautiful because they tell the story of my journey through motherhood-of the lessons I've been taught by my greatest teachers.
My body is not perfect. It is a direct reflection of the path I've taken the past four years. That path has not been without flaws. Much like my body there have been grooves, and bumps, changes and shifts.
But it is beautiful nonetheless.
And so are you momma.
Love and light ♡.
My hips are wider. They are wider from carrying three perfectly healthy humans to full term in 4 years. They are wider from birthing those babies, from the act of bringing life into the world. If that isn't sacred I don't know what is. My hips are wider and I earned those hips. Those hips know the perfect rythm to sway a child to sleep. Those hips have carried, tossed, rocked, and chased my children. They've carried the weight of my body and three others.
And they are beautiful.
My rib cage has seperated. It seperated to make room for my growing children. I think it had to make room for my heart as well. With each child a bit of my heart walks the earth. These shoulders carry the weight of the world, while also the weight of a sweet sleeping head. Yes, my rib cage is larger now. But it is beautiful.
My skin bears the marks of motherhood. It has stretched in ways that didn't seem possible. Organs have shifted, ligaments torn, rib cage bruised. I have the marks of my children's existence etched permanently on my body. One day they will be grown and I will still carry those marks as a bittersweet reminder of these sacred years. I will never regret that. My skin may not be beautiful by a normal standard but to my children there is no safer place than in my arms, snuggled into this body that has seen such changes.
These are my badges of motherhood and they are beautiful.
I looked into the mirror this morning and didnt recognize the tired face looking back: bags under my eyes, dirty hair, the beginnings of a permanent crease between my eyebrows. The bags are caused from sleepless nights of rocking, holding, and walking my children. From sleepless nights of worry, from over analyzing every decision, and late night prayers that I am doing this right. They are formed from sleepless nights with sick babies, from sleepless nights with scared toddlers, from sleepless nights of laundry, bill paying, and trying to catch up on a life that seems ten steps ahead. The line between my eyebrows has formed from a look of constant confusion from my kid's crazy behavior(but seriously, I'm still confused). It has formed from belly laughs, heart ache, and lessons learned the hard way from my sweet babies. Every bag, every wrinkle, every grey hair, and visible sign of imperfection is beautiful because they tell the story of my journey through motherhood-of the lessons I've been taught by my greatest teachers.
My body is not perfect. It is a direct reflection of the path I've taken the past four years. That path has not been without flaws. Much like my body there have been grooves, and bumps, changes and shifts.
But it is beautiful nonetheless.
And so are you momma.
Love and light ♡.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
The Ache
Let's have an honest conversation, Mom to Mom. It's 12 o clock. Already I've been drowned in tears, and needs, and demands. I've been joined in the shower by my fully dressed toddler who didnt even have the decency to offer to wash my back. So much for helping a sister out right?
I've kissed boo boos, I've disbanded girl fights. I've done 3 loads of laundry, changed multiple dirty diapers, and coached my pre schooler in the art of pooping. Because seriously, who wouldn't want someone cheering you on during your bowel movements. I haven't gotten a high five or congratulations for any of my bathroom accomplishments lately and let me tell you. It kind of stings.
I've taken a dirty diaper to the face and found my once fully dressed toddler naked in her crib eating stashed crackers. Stashed where you ask? Not real sure would be my reply. And yes, you read the first statement correctly. Because really nothing says "I love you" more than a urine soaked diaper to the face. I'm going to try it out on my husband later. I want him to feel as appreciated as I am. I'll let yall know how it goes.
I've called my previously mentioned husband twice and said " I can't do this." Twice.
Because sometimes I really feel that way. Like I just. Cant. Do. It.
But here is the thing, I can. And I will. Every day, in and out. These days are long and they're hard.
I'm currently nursing a newborn who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. He has no idea what bread is, but given the option I am a fairly sure he would choose me over a loaf of Sara Lee.
And later I will get to see the look of pure joy when I drop off my 3 year old to dance class. I will watch her march in there so independently, without a backwards glance- and in doing so I will slowly watch her grow up. Slowly loose her bit by bit to the wonderful person she is becoming. It is my privilege to watch this, but also my own personal heart ache.
Isn't that just what motherhood is? Pride and wonder mixed in with the "ache".
All momma's know what ache I am talking about.
So my message today is to hang in there. We've all read the cliche quotes and been given the sage (and annoying) advice that we will miss this: And it's true. I know I will. I know it as I rock my sleeping baby, run herd on my crazy toddler, and watch my 3 year old become more of her own little person.
Knowing this doesn't change the day to day struggles or the exhaustion.
Hang in there mommas. Find your joy. Take whatever quiet moments you can. I really hope they involve a stashed bag of doritos and the ability to pee alone, but to each their own.
Hang in there because this isn't easy. It's messy. And hard. And beautiful.
And you are doing such a good job.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle.
We can do this. ♡
I've kissed boo boos, I've disbanded girl fights. I've done 3 loads of laundry, changed multiple dirty diapers, and coached my pre schooler in the art of pooping. Because seriously, who wouldn't want someone cheering you on during your bowel movements. I haven't gotten a high five or congratulations for any of my bathroom accomplishments lately and let me tell you. It kind of stings.
I've taken a dirty diaper to the face and found my once fully dressed toddler naked in her crib eating stashed crackers. Stashed where you ask? Not real sure would be my reply. And yes, you read the first statement correctly. Because really nothing says "I love you" more than a urine soaked diaper to the face. I'm going to try it out on my husband later. I want him to feel as appreciated as I am. I'll let yall know how it goes.
I've called my previously mentioned husband twice and said " I can't do this." Twice.
Because sometimes I really feel that way. Like I just. Cant. Do. It.
But here is the thing, I can. And I will. Every day, in and out. These days are long and they're hard.
I'm currently nursing a newborn who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. He has no idea what bread is, but given the option I am a fairly sure he would choose me over a loaf of Sara Lee.
And later I will get to see the look of pure joy when I drop off my 3 year old to dance class. I will watch her march in there so independently, without a backwards glance- and in doing so I will slowly watch her grow up. Slowly loose her bit by bit to the wonderful person she is becoming. It is my privilege to watch this, but also my own personal heart ache.
Isn't that just what motherhood is? Pride and wonder mixed in with the "ache".
All momma's know what ache I am talking about.
So my message today is to hang in there. We've all read the cliche quotes and been given the sage (and annoying) advice that we will miss this: And it's true. I know I will. I know it as I rock my sleeping baby, run herd on my crazy toddler, and watch my 3 year old become more of her own little person.
Knowing this doesn't change the day to day struggles or the exhaustion.
Hang in there mommas. Find your joy. Take whatever quiet moments you can. I really hope they involve a stashed bag of doritos and the ability to pee alone, but to each their own.
Hang in there because this isn't easy. It's messy. And hard. And beautiful.
And you are doing such a good job.
Love and light from another momma in the struggle.
We can do this. ♡
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