My children are my greatest blessings. They've taught me so many things. They've taught me what unconditional love is. They've taught me what it's like to go shopping with your pants on backwards. They've taught me that it is ok to say the words "we do not put puffy paint in our sister's underwear".
So, so many lessons, that I've decided to try to sum up some of my greatest lessons learned from my kids. These are deep y'all. Our kids are, after all, the future. So here it goes!
Lessons I've learned from my children:
1. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
I personally would love a new wardrobe, piece of jewelry, or a dust buster. Please sweet baby Jesus someone get me a dust buster. Have y'all met my children?! There are french fries from 1992 under my bed. Scouts honor. It's a vintage piece.
Audrey on the other hand is saying a Hail Mary and getting herself right with the Lord everytime she finds some more of that delicious petrified cereal from the floor board of the minivan. Nothing says treasure better than decomposing snacks.
To each their own.
2. Actions speak louder than words.
Sure, we toss around the word love, but nothing says love more than selflessly removing your pull up during nap time. Clearly my child is trying to lessen my load. Once less diaper to change. Also, since she relieved herself in her bedding that is also once less child to coerce in a failed attempt to potty train. So thank you dear sweet child for that. I love you too.
3. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Sure that one time you took off your pants, shoved them up the gutter, and tried to ride the dog while your butt cheeks and princess tiara were gloriously aglow was kind of funny
But the second time was not.
Also, I get that you need to be prepared for anything, but you hoodlums are consuming 18 full meals a day and 32 snacks. So why do I keep finding crackers in your underwear? I'm on to yall. And word of advice: best place to stash food is the laundry room. I for one have no experience in this, but I would assume cracker related chaffing is not pleasant.
4. There is no use crying over spilled milk.
These are wise words. Why cry when you can drink directly from the floor.
5. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Um no. Don't. That's a waste of a basket. Baskets serve far greater purposes. Where else would one unravel an entire roll of toilet paper or empty out the box of tampons? Where else would one sit while contemplating the depths of depravity that is the hypocrisy of sharing? What else could one use as a protective head device while trying to sit on an unruly sibling?!
Don't you dare put all your eggs in one basket: or any of your eggs for that matter. Eggs are for baking cakes for your children whenever they demand- which is right now. Please go feed your starving children. You removed the snacks from their pants and they are desperate.
6. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Because the neighbors don't have kids. And their lawn is on point.
My lawn, however is fertilized by toddlers defecating for fun. So yeah....it's actually greener.
7. Ignorance is bliss.
Because once upon a time I was ignorant and hopeful enough to assume your sounds of silence meant you were enjoying each others company. Now I know the bitter truth. Silence means you're giving your sister a swirly and have painted yourself blue with the nail polish in order to better reconnect with your ancestors. I cannot take your life but i can take your freedom....because you're grounded for the next 17 years. At the age of 2. You may not cry over the spilled milk but I foresee some crying now.
8. You are what you eat.
Because that one time you ate nothing but raisins for three days you turned a little purple and seemed slightly dehydrated. Luckily, after you had explosive diahrea for 4 days that caused your father and I to seek therapy before we even attempted to seek medical attention for you, you returned to normal.
However, we are still finding stray raisins from "the incident" so perhaps we shouldn't repeat that little food experience.
This list will continue expanding. But spread this prolific knowledge while you can!
Love and light from another momma in the struggle ♡
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