The Ache

Let's have an honest conversation, Mom to Mom. It's 12 o clock. Already I've been drowned in tears, and needs, and demands. I've been joined in the shower by my fully dressed toddler who didnt even have the decency to offer to wash my back. So much for helping a sister out right? 

I've kissed boo boos, I've disbanded girl fights. I've done 3 loads of laundry, changed multiple dirty diapers, and coached my pre schooler in the art of pooping. Because seriously, who wouldn't want someone cheering you on during your bowel movements. I haven't gotten a high five or congratulations for any of my bathroom accomplishments lately and let me tell you. It kind of stings.

I've taken a dirty diaper to the face and found my once fully dressed toddler naked in her crib eating stashed crackers. Stashed where you ask? Not real sure would be my reply. And yes, you read the first statement correctly. Because really nothing says "I love you" more than a urine soaked diaper to the face. I'm going to try it out on my husband later. I want him to feel as appreciated as I am. I'll let yall know how it goes.

 I've called my previously mentioned husband twice and said " I can't do this." Twice. 

Because sometimes I really feel that way. Like I just. Cant. Do. It.

But here is the thing, I can. And I will. Every day, in and out.  These days are long and they're hard.

 I'm currently nursing a newborn who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. He has no idea what bread is, but given the option I am a fairly sure he would choose me over a loaf of Sara Lee.
And later I will get to see the look of pure joy when I drop off my 3 year old to dance class. I will watch her march in there so independently, without a backwards glance- and in doing so I will slowly watch her grow up. Slowly loose her bit by bit to the wonderful person she is becoming. It is my privilege to watch this, but also my own personal heart ache. 

Isn't that just what motherhood is? Pride and wonder mixed in with the "ache".

All momma's know what ache I am talking about. 

So my message today is to hang in there. We've all read the cliche quotes and been given the sage (and annoying) advice that we will miss this: And it's true. I know I will. I know it as I rock my sleeping baby,  run herd on my crazy toddler, and watch my 3 year old become more of her own little person.
Knowing this doesn't change the day to day struggles or the exhaustion.

 Hang in there mommas. Find your joy. Take whatever quiet moments you can. I really hope they involve a stashed bag of doritos and the ability to pee alone, but to each their own. 

Hang in there because this isn't easy. It's messy. And hard. And beautiful. 

And you are doing such a good job.

Love and light from another momma in the struggle. 

We can do this. ♡