Soul Sisters

It occurred to me today I haven't had a real conversation with a person who doesn't need help getting their underwear on or pants buttoned in a long while. Therefore, I decided I clearly need to aquire a mom soul sister. Someone who really gets me in the depths of my inner, unshowered, being.

 If you meet any of these requirements please call me, beep me, if you want to reach me. 

You may be my mom soul sister if:

Your internal mantra repeats back and forth between "it's five o clock somewhere" and a countdown to naptime that rivals the ball drop in New York City on New Years Eve. Please picture me throwing confetti about the house in my sweat pants every day around 1 o clock while repeating in my best Oprah Winfrey impression: " you get a dorito, you get a dorito, everybody gets a dorito!!!!!!!!"

You change into your nicest yoga pants when leaving the house but immediately take them off when you get home. You don't want to waste those gems on just anyone. You can repeat this process of wearing said pants for public outings at minimum 3 times before they require a wash. Just an fyi.

Meals consist of whatever leftovers you can steal off your kid's Dora the Explorer plate. You've been known to dive bomb the floor in order to get the last tator tot before the dog does. Move over Spike that's momma's nugget. Thank God you bought all those work out clothes, without which that food extraction maneuver wouldn't be possible!

You know every nursery rhyme, children's song, the words to basically every children book in your house, and all the Disney Princess names and life stories by memory. However, you are not sure what year it is, where you last put your cell phone, and there's a solid chance your pants are on backwards-or that you quite possibly aren't wearing pants. 

If you have any form of food stashed anywhere in your house. Apparently other professionals don't closet eat expired croutons in the laundry room.

if you've ever had a conversation with your husband or significant other similar to this:
Me: I need to shower
Husband: why? You showered yesterday.
Me:(blink, blink) Yeah, some people still do that on the daily huh?

If anyone has ever told you you had your hands full and instead of responding with "yes, but you should see my heart" you agree and pass them a kid. 

Your child is on his or her 4th outfit and it's ten am. By outfit I mean they are wearing a swimsuit, rainboots, and a tiara. You're wearing underwear from 2002 you found under the bed.

You think a ratchet is a tool, a bae is a sound a sheep makes, and the only twittering you do involves singing old Mcdonald with your 3 year old. 

Your Pinterest board is full of amazing recipes. Your pantry has a box of stale crackers, fruits snacks, and a can of corn. 

If you've ever tried to take a picture of your kids only to have the camera reversed so you instead view your face. That event was so traumatizing you have to turn your phone off for at least 2 hours and put it in a bag of rice. The rice was for all the tears shed from the trauma of the experience.

If you meet any of these requirements clearly we need to be in touch.

So call me maybe?